Language
by Katria Bloom
Summary: A humourous one-shot about Draco's first, and last, muggle job! Cute and Slashy! Please R&R!


Harry: Hello gentle readers!

(Waves graciously as Draco tries to peek over his shoulder)

Draco: Let me see, Harry!

(Draco shoves Harry out of the way)

Draco: Hi! As you can see, the muses have revolted! We locked Kat in the dungeon! So...Yeah.

(Shrugs)

Harry (after he recovers): We are the hosts of this particular story, as we are the stars. It's a short little ficlet about Draco's first muggle job.

Draco: Yeah...oh, and it is a little humourous, and a little fluffy in places.

Harry: The title comes from Draco's dirty mouth, which is demonstrated in places in this story, so be warned.

(Draco pouts)

Draco: My mouth isn't dirty, damn you.

Harry: See?

(Draco's pout deepens, and Harry kisses his protruding lower lip)

Draco: Oh, and Kat doesn't own us, so don't sue her, as much as she tries to deny it, she doesn't have any money.

(Draco then waves away audience)

Draco: Move along now, I have to ravish my boyfriend.

Harry: Bye!

(Draco grabs Harry's bum firmly and lifts him up against the wall. They slowly fade away into the story...)

Language

Gentle snow was sprinkling the bustling sidewalks of downtown London. Harassed-looking shoppers filtered in and out of a multitude of stores, their last minute Christmas purchases tucked securely under coat-clad arms. Two smartly dressed young men, one blond, the other raven-haired, were weaving their way expertly through the crowd. The blond, by the name of Draco Malfoy, looked professionally annoyed. The emerald green eyes of the other boy were sparkling with pent-up amusement.

"Tell me again Harry, why exactly did you sign us up to work at a muggle toy shop at the peak of the holiday shopping season for free?" Draco questioned incredulously.

Harry Potter snorted and re-wrapped the scarf draped around his slender neck. "Well," he began, laughter dripping from every syllable, "They need volunteers because they are always swamped this time of year, and we really don't need the money, as we have more than enough for two people to live on for hundreds of years. Plus, you need to learn how to interact civilly with other people. It will be good for you. Oh, and if you love me, you'll do it."

Draco narrowed his eyes in response to the look of smug triumph on his boyfriend's face. "Just because we live in muggle London doesn't mean we need to cater to said muggles. I liked the complete solitude of Malfoy Manor, pity I had to demolish the place. Really, after father burned away the interior there wasn't much left...he sure did succeed in destroying the evidence." He snorted bitterly and shoved his cold hands in Harry's coat pockets. "My hands are fucking freezing."

Harry made a face and shoved Draco playfully. "Language, Malfoy. You are going to be spending the next few hours helping irritable old bats and overexcited children. You must learn to control that mouth of yours."

The corners of said mouth turned up in a wicked smile and Draco said, "I can think of something you can do to keep my mouth occupied."

The ebony-haired man rolled his eyes and leaned over to kiss the blond briefly. "Maybe if you do a good job at work we can celebrate. Your choice of activities."

Draco grinned broadly and shivered in mock excitement. "Ooh...I can't wait! I promise I'll do my best."

Harry draped an arm around his waist and rested his head on the blond's shoulder. They were receiving some very odd looks; the two of them, but neither seemed to notice, nor care.

Harry steered his lover into a large toy store just off the main road. As soon as they entered the overstuffed building a worn-looking middle-aged woman bombarded them. "Oh, Mr. Potter, thank you again for volunteering. You have no idea how much this means to me." She took the surprised man in for a bone-crushing hug. He patted her awkwardly on the back and she finally released him.

Draco shot her a deadly look as she turned to him. "You must be Mr. Malfoy. Harry said you were handsome, but really..." She went to hug him as well, but Draco backed away.

"I prefer no physical contact, if you don't mind," he spat, his hand falling to where he usually kept his wand. Harry poked him and shook his head slightly.

The woman shrugged and produced two bright red vests. "Well, put these on. Your name tags are attached. All you need to do is wander about and help people. Here, give me your coats and I'll put them in the back."

Harry deposited his goose-down coat in her arms and eyes Draco expectantly. He handed the revolting red vest to Harry as he slowly pulled off his brown leather trench coat. He laid it carefully in the woman's arms. She smiled and bustled off, disappearing in a throng of shopping women.

Harry pulled on his vest and tweaked his name badge, which read, 'Hi! I'm Harry, can I help you?'

Draco crossed his arms and said, "I am not wearing that. Red isn't my color."

"Do you want me to see if they have green? You are too picky, love. Just put it on and do this. Humour me."

Draco pulled on the vest grudgingly, muttering, "Yeah, well, I hope you're laughing you evil git..."

Harry laughed loudly, receiving an angry stare from a half-crazed woman holding a baby doll. Draco glared at his name badge and said, "I can't bloody believe this...stupid fucking muggles...OW!"

Harry pinched him on the arm and hissed, "Draco, language. Why don't we just start working and get it over with. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to go home."

The blond made an exasperated noise and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. Harry dragged him down an aisle where a few people stood. "Dray, baby, why don't you ask a few people if they need help. I'm going to go over to the next aisle and do the same."

Draco made a pleading face but Harry would have none of it. He kissed Draco gently and left before the blonde could reply.

Draco growled under his breath and scanned the small crowd disdainfully. "Excuse me...sir?" Draco whirred around quickly, and icy glare he hadn't used since school plastered of his face. A small, brunette woman in her mid-forties stood there holding a remote-controlled car. "Do you work here?"

Draco couldn't hold back his snide remark. "No, I just stole a vest from this store because I thought it was fashionable. Yes, of course I work here, are you stupid?"

The woman looked hurt, but continued, "Ookay...does this car come in red?"

Draco eyed the car, unconcerned. "Is there a red one where you got it?"

The woman shook her head rapidly. "Well," Draco said, his voice dripping with venom, "then it doesn't come in red."

She all but ran away from him, clutching the blue car tightly. He shrugged, ran his hands through his mussed blond locks, and muttered, "That was easy."

He spied a familiar ebony-haired man and his heart lightened considerably. "Dray...did you have anything to do with that crying woman who just came from this direction?"

Draco raised his eyebrows, a seemingly innocent look on his face. "Woman? Crying? I have no idea what you are talking about."

Harry rolled his eyes and stated, "You are vicious."

"You know it." Draco went to kiss Harry, but the raven-haired man backed away.

"Nope, not until you sell something or at least be nice to someone. And, I want to witness it. Ah...here comes someo- Oh, he's cute," Harry said, his eyes resting on the young man who had just started down the aisle. "See, maybe you can turn on your Malfoy charm for this guy."

"Yeah, and maybe he'll fall madly in love with me and I won't have to put up with your bullying," Draco said jokingly.

Harry rolled his eyes and said, "Help this guy and we'll see who's madly in love with you. How about I show you later, hmm?" He raised his eyebrows with the suggestion.

Draco groaned inwardly and raked his eyes over Harry's body. "Can we leave after I sell something?"

Harry made a pained face. "No, but we can find a bathroom."

The blond groaned for real and snaked an arm around Harry's waist, only to have him pull away again. "Costumer."

Draco growled and turned to the Grecian-looking young man browsing through the porcelain dolls. He took a deep breath, plastered on a fake smile, and started toward the man. 'Harry was right, his is cute', he thought musingly and his eyes drifted lower. 'Nice bum too.' The man lifted his hazel eyes as Draco approached. "Hi, I'm Draco, can I help you?"

The man surveyed Draco for a moment then turned back to the dolls. "Actually I could use your opinion. Which doll do you think is the best looking? Oh, I'm Glen, by the way."

Draco looked over the dolls for a moment, and then pointed to a dark-haired male doll by the name of 'Derek' near the top. "Truthfully, that one. Why, do you have a daughter you want to buy a doll for?"

Glen shook his head. "No, my niece. I'm not married. I rather like that one too, but I think she would rather have a 'pweddy girl' one."

Draco shivered, invoking a laugh from Glen. Draco glanced over to Harry, who was playing with an Etch-A-Sketch while seated on an oversized purple bouncy ball, his tongue sticking out in effort. "Pity, I think he's 'pweddier'."

Glen shrugged and pointed to a blonde next to it named 'Preston'. "That one's better I think, but I prefer blonds."

Draco blushed in spite of himself and licked his suddenly parched lips. "Draco...that's an odd name," Glen said conversationally.

"Yeah, my last name means 'Bad Faith'. So...Dragon Bad Faith. I'm not quite sure what my parents were thinking."

Glen chuckled and buried is hands in the pockets of his trousers. After what seemed like decades of shameless flirting, Draco asked, "So, which doll do you want?"

Glen pointed to a redheaded doll just underneath the 'Derek' Doll. "I think I'll take 'Katie'."

Draco winked and walked over to take the doll off the shelf. He stood up on his toes and stretched, finally latching his fingertips around the box. He handed it over to Glen proudly and said, "Here you go. I hope your niece enjoys her."

He smiled and said, "So do I. Listen, you have been really helpful. Thank you."

"Oh, no problem, it's what I'm here for."

Glen tucked the box under his arm. "Well, I'll see you around, Draco." He turned around and strode towards the check-outs.

The blond turned back to Harry and did a little victory dance. "Oh Yeah, I sold a doll! Uh-Huh!"

Harry crossed his arms and coughed. "You talked to him for two hours," he said blandly.

"Yeah, well, I can't help it if he's interesting. He plays football for his university."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, absolutely riveting."

Draco laughed, and added, "I also can't help it if you're jealous. You know I love you, but I'll do anything for a sale."

Harry snorted and it was Draco's turn to roll his eyes. "Merlin...Harry, come here." The raven-haired man didn't move, so Draco stepped forward and enveloped him in his arms. "I didn't like him, I only like you."

"I know, but when he checked out your arse, I thought..."

"He checked out my arse?" Draco questioned, but chose not to elaborate when Harry didn't respond. He placed a solitary finger under Harry's chin and lifted it so his emerald orbs were locked with his own ice blue ones. "I love you, only you."

Harry's pout disappeared and a small grin surfaced. He planted a kiss on Draco's waiting lips and tangled his fingers in his hair. Draco backed the raven-haired man against a shelf and deepened the kiss. Harry granted the blond's agile tongue access. Draco grabbed Harry's groin, invoking a groan of surprise and pleasure. "Can we leave now?" Draco questioned, passion dripping from every word.

"Yeah, let's just find that boss-woman-thingy...Merlin; I shouldn't have to think right now."

Draco tightened his grip and trailed his tongue up Harry's neck. "I want you to say something for me."

The ebony-haired man's green eyes rolled back in his head as he felt Draco's velvet lips caress the scar on his forehead. "W-what do you w-want me to s-oh...say?"

Draco replaced his hand with is knee as he pressed their bodies flush. "Fuck me, Draco. That's what I want you to say."

Harry nibbled on Draco's earlobe and whispered, "Language, Malfoy."

Draco kissed his Adam's apple lightly and said, "I don't care. I want you to say it. I want to hear your pretty mouth say that dirty word."

Harry pressed up against Draco's knee and moaned, "Fuck me, Draco."

The blond smiled triumphantly and kissed his lover full on the lips again.

"Err...excuse me, can you tell me where..."

"Oh, bugger off you old bat," Draco snarled, turning to the elderly woman who had tapped him on the shoulder. "Can't you plainly see I am currently snogging my boyfriend? Go find some other sales clerk to annoy." He turned back to Harry, who had covered his face in embarrassment, his ears bright pink. Draco backed away and said, "Well that was a buzz kill. Let's get the hell out of here."

Harry began to shake in silent laughter, his hands never leaving his face. "You'll never change, will you?" He sputtered through his fingers.

"Probably not," Draco admitted, and then pulled Harry's hands off his face.

"Boys, boys, we're closing early this evening so you two can go home. Here are your coats. You can keep those vests if you want," called the woman who greeted them earlier, tossing them their coats.

"Thanks," Harry answered, slightly surprised. Draco caught his coat in one hand and pulled it on, not bothering to remove his vest. "You're keeping your vest Dray? I thought you didn't like red."

Draco turned up his collar. "I think it's rather fashionable. Plus, I want a token of my first and last muggle job."

Harry pulled on his coat and shook his head. "Come on, before you break anything." He pushed Draco down the aisle. Draco put up no resistance until they reached an aisle marked 'Costumes'. He planted his feet firmly and began to laugh. Harry stepped up beside him, trying to find what Draco thought was so amusing.

The blond lifted a feeble finger to a royal blue robe covered in silver stars and moons. On a bag attached to the hanger were a matching hat, long white beard, and a black stick tipped in white. "Oh...my...god..."

Harry made a confused face, and wiped a tear of mirth from Draco's face. "Okay, not quite that funny..."

"That's...meant...to be...a wizard? They have no bloody idea! Merlin, is that a wand?"

Harry steered him away from the pathetic wizard costume and muttered, "You should see a witch..."

Draco took a deep breath and said, "I don't think I want to." They stepped out into the icy evening air and Harry drew close to Draco's side.

"Was today that unbearable? Were the 'bloody muggles' that bad?"

The blond shrugged and wrapped an arm around Harry. "Not too bad. I do, however, have a new pickup line."

Harry rested his head on Draco's shoulder and said, "And what would that be?"

Draco opened his coat and pulled out his name badge. "Hi, I'm Draco, can I help you?"

Harry snorted, biting back laughter. "Why yes, Draco, I think you can."

Fin.

REVIEW! REVIEW!

((Also, I took a line of this story from a song. If you get the song, you get a box of Fizzing Wizzbees!))


End file.
